It's time to deal with some of things I've been putting off...

My desk, the random piles. I've tackled them a couple of times the past year. I even added the basket you see to catch incoming items that I didn't have time to deal with. Then the basket got full and the piles started again.

It's time. it's time to revisit, reduce, and revamp this mess.

It seems so overwhelming... I mean surely it will take me months right?

But I know, I know from experience that my mind has made it bigger than what it is. So after a self-chat, I dig in. I gather up all the desk crap and take it the dining room. I refill my cup-o-joe and tackle it. And within an hour, I've got my sanity back.

I'm movin' forward sister... one lil' project at a time.

I've been deeply saddened by the tragic events in Japan. I couldn't even fathom my entire town being swept away. I can't imagine losing my child because my grip wasn't tight enough. I can't begin to know what it's like to be here and not know if your son or daughter made it.

I do know that when life's major events hit, there is power in words.

The kind words, prayers, healing light, and good mojo I received from friends and those I've yet to stare in the eye helped me tremendously. I relied on blog comments, snail mail, tweets and facebook messages to give me a lil' love. I felt supported. I want to pay it forward.

I want those in Japan to know I care. That WE care. I want them to feel what I felt...

Today I created a place to do just that. www.facebook.com/sendlove2Japan

Please take a moment to visit the page and send some love to Japan. It's simple... and powerful.

While you are there, please 'like' the page and share it with your friends around the world...

I started 'formally' working out again. My fitness chica, Casey, went with me to my physical therapy appointment to learn what I could and couldn't do. She customized my workout to fit my situation. My situation being... no chest/pec workout with added exercises to stretch my 'node damaged' zone. Casey made me cheat sheets- so when everyone is doing push ups, I'm doing 'xyz' to work my back muscles. Other than that I'm good to go.

But I'm not good to go. I can't keep up in class. I don't really expect to. But I wish I could. I wish I could pickup where I left off.

I didn't keep up 'before' B.C. either. Casey runs a hard-ass workout. She has t-shirts that read "my warm up is harder than your workout" and... that's true. But 'before' I was getting strong. Strong for a 43 year old totally out-of-shape chubby mama. I had mastered jumping onto the tall box. I could actually run up the dreaded hill. I EVEN liked going to workout which was HUGE for me. I also say that working out so hard helped me discover my lump. [more on that and even more here].

Today I went to my kickboxing class. I couldn't pin point why I felt so frustrated. Over my cappuccino at my favorite cafe... it hit me. I expected to pick up where I left off. Where I left off during chemo. But I am no where near that.

So I adjusted my thinking... back a couple of months... then some more.  Even then I had to go further back, back to my first workouts with Casey. Back to square one. I'm not sure I can even claim that level of fitness. 

I need to accept that I'm back at the "43 year old out-of-shape chubby mama" level with cancer treatment taking it's toll.

It's one step forward...five steps back.